Just cremate me and chuck away my ashes, after all I wont know...it will be your problem!

…" it will be your problem"! This has become a catch cry lately and quite honestly I am sick of it. Why? Because it is selfish, so selfish. Death is the something that we will all experience, it is the ultimate leveler. This statemen is a reflection of one of two things, or even both. They don’t care about those who love them or they are scared of death. Probably both.

When this comment is made it is clear that the person hasn’t given thought to the pain that their departure will cause to those who have loved them. The grief their family and friends will experience when they die. This action denies them the opportunity to use ceremony as a farewell and time of reflection.

It is time we stopped hiding and learned to have the conversations that matter, death will come, but it can be less painful for those who lose someone they love, if they were able to have heartcentred conversations, that helped understand their values and the stuff that really mattered to them. A farewell that can bring in facets of the life that has ended provides a healing place for those in grief. When we love, we want to relieve pain, not cause more. So, doesn't it make sense to get a bit uncomfortable (only at the start) and then it will flow. Honestly, it can be liberating.

Let’s rephrase the approach to “I don’t want a complicated farewell, please keep it low cost and simple. I would like this song played”. End-of-Life conversations don’t need to be scary, they can be simple and respectful, particularly to those you would leave behind.